Does Money Change a Person?
Posted by Cap in Even More Ramblings |The question is a bit vague, I know.
Recently, one of my cousins seems to be changing right before the family’s very eyes.
My cousin is a hard worker. She completed her undergrad work at USC and went on to finish USC’s School of Pharmacy within two years. She was one of those shy type of people that kept to themselves. I respected her, for the level of commitment she had towards her academic career and the dedication she has for her professional career.
Having said that, it’s really unfortunate that my cousin’s being a real prick as of late.
She started her pharmacist job with a high five figure salary. We were all proud of her, happy for her. Within a year, her salary got bump well past the six figure mark, and again, we were all proud of her, happy for her success.
But woah. I’m not sure if its the money or the success, but something is getting to my cousin’s head. During many family gatherings, she’ll make frequent remarks about how she makes much more money than all of us, and in some instances, she’ll point out that her salary is more than a few of ours combined.
Now that wouldn’t have been a big deal, but she was hinting at it towards people older than her! Her aunts and uncles!
Last Christmas, she bought presents for our little cousins, which was nice. The not-so-nice part was her flaunting the gifts around. She made sure everyone in the family knew who bought the gifts for the little kids.
I know some of these things don’t sound too bad, but these are just the reader digest version of it. The change wouldn’t have been so obvious if it wasn’t for her past personality. She use to be so quiet and so down-to-earth. Now she’s the complete opposite. When you really think about it, it’s pretty scary.
The whole thing doesn’t really bother me much, since I don’t see my cousin around a lot. But if she doesn’t cut the crap, she’s going to ruin her relationship with a lot of people.
Has anyone else had similar experiences? Suggestions are welcomed.
19 Comments to “Does Money Change a Person?”
Leave a Comment
« Dents & Scratches on Car Sucks
March 25th, 2006 at 6:56 am
Sounds like a case of extreme immaturity! She is probably very proud of herself and just doesn’t know when to keep her thoughts to herself.
I had one episode myself when I was young and inadvertantly flaunted something and could tell immediately I rubbed the surrounding people the wrong way. I chalked it up as a learning experience and went on, and never did that again.
It sounds like your cousin needs someone older in the family that she respects to sit her down and gently explain how she is coming accross. She will (hopefully) someday understand that her money-earning ability is a gift and she should use her talents and corresponding earnings to quietly help others in need.
Hopefully she will not have to learn the hard way that it is all a house of cards and could all be gone in an instant.
March 25th, 2006 at 7:29 am
Hmm speaking as someone who was often the quiet, shy one in the family – the quiet, shy ones often take a lot of crap from the more outgoing members of the family. They are often targets in ways that you don’t necessarily see and because they are quiet and shy they don’t speak of it.
That’s not to say that it entitles her to be a prat right now, but it may be more that she’s saying “you thought I was a loser but now I can prove I’m not so take that and shove it.”
March 25th, 2006 at 8:57 am
Someone just needs to hand her a small smackdown, gently though. She may not realize how tactless she’s being until someone points it out to her. Hand her a Dear Abby column describing this sort of thing, or something generally written like that and ask her what she thinks of it. Maybe she’ll get the message that pride goeth before the fall. Actually, has someone reminded her that she needs a cash cushion just in case something happens? Or pay her student loans? Perhaps in the guise of wise financial advice, you can curb her desire to crow.
March 25th, 2006 at 9:33 am
Sounds like severe *insecurity*, not just immaturity. Whenever someone has to brag, it means that they are afraid.
For example, when I was in grad school, I worked at both a top university and a so-so university. All the prof’s at the so-so university DEMANDED that you call them “Dr. Smith”. All the profs at the top university allowed us to call them by their first name, like “Hey, Jason”.
Why? Because the profs at the top university were great professors, and they knew it. They didn’t need students calling them “Dr” to pump them up.
Hopefully you cousin will realize salary does not equal respect.
March 25th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
I live my daughter to death, but her and her boyfriend, within the past 2 years, have gone from having to live with other people, to him making almost 60,000 this year! Plus on top of that she just won a new car in a contest! Everything has to be THE BEST and the MOST EXPENSIVE now. It is all we hear abou! It drives her little sister crazy, but I just tune it out.
March 25th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Money may or may not change people. But in this case it seems to make her less fun to be around.
March 25th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
hmm.. I think I may have water down her current personality a bit.
She’s seriously stuck up about every little thing now. The too proud of herself and not knowing when to keep it to herself is definitely it. I don’t think its because of how we treated her before. The family never really singled her out before, and I was always told to look up to her because she’s hard working, etc. Definitely no “you must succeed” pressures too.
Her old personality may attribute to the 180 degree change though. I guess she has more confidence now, but she’s taking it to the extreme. Perhaps some insecurity in it too. I don’t know.
It’s kinda like how Skye mention her daughter, i.e. more materialistic etc. She definitely could afford her brand new BMW, but she could definitely be doing a lot more with her income in terms of savings and investing.
The tough part is, I’m not sure who in the family could approach her now, since she doesn’t seem like she respect anyone anymore. She listens more to her colleagues, who happen to be in the same position as her (easier to relate I guess), but unfortunately they’re not exactly practicing common financial sense.
I think a bunch of them got together and bought some properties, and are now all playing landlord. I have no problem with investing in real estate, but jumping into it with a group of people that have little idea what they’re getting into, may not be such a good idea.
thanks for the comments, definitely something to think about.
so far, I’m in the ignore stage. it’s not really bothering me more so than its bothering other people in the family. heh
March 26th, 2006 at 6:16 am
Which, if it is anything like our family situation, their annoyance and attitude is being attributed to “jealousy” by the annoyer!!
March 26th, 2006 at 11:48 am
I was waiting to see if anyone would hit my intended comment but until your response no one touched it: you have to consider other influences. although money may be a huge factor it’s not the only one – who are her role models?
you mentioned not many other people in the family make quite so much. who, then, does she have to look to? coworkers. she could be modeling her behavior off of their’s.
all that personality stuff comes into play, but i find it hard to believe she came into this new attitude all on her own. she had to have some examples. hopefully she will meet people who are successful and mature about it, good luck till then.
March 27th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
Less words, people. That pharmacist lady is an asshole.
March 27th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
It does change people. Now what you have to do is tell/make yourself change for the better.
Oh and Cap, thanks for the post last week. I just saw the comment. It got cought in the blog spam filter.
Dave
March 28th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
lol. Hey! that’s my cousin you’re calling an asshole there :P
joe: I guess her coworkers are influencing her, but that’s rather a shame that she can be influenced so easily.
dave: np on the comment..
and thanks for the comments people, some stuff to think about.
March 31st, 2006 at 6:29 am
I would say that money definitely changes a person– either for the better or for the worse. Eventually life will beat her up and she’ll realize she was a jerk to her family. Some of my family is the other way around– poor, but they try to mooch of ‘richer’ relatives. One of my cousins had the nerve to call my grandparents selfish. Mind you, these are grandparents that gave him a car, some money for bills, helped pay for his wedding/baby expenses, helped pay for his college, and babysit him growing up (and now babysit his kid). I want to punk that idiot. I don’t care what your grandparents do to you, there’s no excuse for calling aging and ill grandparents selfish when they have helped you your entire life. I guess that’s kind of like the reverse of your situation.. but the same ‘mooch’ but show off about it mentality. Hate it, hate it.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:16 am
I dumped a long-time boyfriend after his personality changed when he started making a huge salary. Everyone thought I was crazy, but he did completely change – his clothing, car, bicycle, and climbing gear had to be top-of-the-line in cost and “quality”. He was no fun to be around, and I didn’t want to be obligated to have him pay for things I could not afford, such as expensive weekend getaways to Lake Tahoe for snowboarding.
March 5th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Alright so I have known people who have a lot of money and are not immature or arrogant. She is young and the salary thing is getting to her head. She needs to understand that today if she becomes ill then her salary will not matter that much. Alright so it will be enough to pay the hospital bills but that is about it. Or if she gets fired then or say gets very fat well then she will have to work very hard like the your and the rest of your family to make things happen again. Also, if everyone stops talking to her then I do not know HOW she will deal with it emotionally. Perhaps for now the money will satisfy her but nothing in this world can satisfy your emotional attachments to your loved ones. She really has become a B—- and I feel that time is testing her like it does to everyone.
March 5th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
@Sassymonkey-Well I too was very quiet and shy but I have accomplished A LOT and I would NEVER do this to my family or friends. That is demeaning and emotionally immaturity. You should never have to put other people down. Why should you? There are other ways to make yourself feel good.
March 5th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
*emotionally immature
April 9th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
I think your cousin is just quite proud of all the hard work she’s done and she just wants other people to notice it and to let her know that she’s proud, because of this she’s just trying to show off a little to let you all know what she has achieved. Even though you may all know already, she might just want to hear it. Other than that just leave her be, she will stop eventually, maybe. It’s her personality, everyones unique, people can show off a little.
Best of luck !