What to Do About a Freeloading Family Member?
Posted by Cap on August 1, 2008 |I didn’t know this, but a close cousin’s fiance’s younger brother (early twenties) has been overstaying his welcome at my cousin and her fiance’s house.
It has been going on for the past year or so, with the in-law’s brother showing up in a predictable pattern — staying for a month or so, leaves, and eventually shows up a month or two later for yet another extended “visit.”
Initially, my cousin wasn’t too happy about it. She’ll get into arguments with her fiance, and at times was so upset that she avoids coming home as it felt less like her home.
In recent days however, it seems my cousin and her fiance are more nonchalant about the freeloading. Whether it’s because they’ve given up on the situation or have grown accustom to the mooching, I’m not sure, but deep down, I suspect neither of them are happy about the problem.
There are many things they can probably do, one of which is of course put their foot down and kick the fiance’s brother out. Various other suggestions are abound on the Internet, some bordering on the extreme (sell beds, sofa, and couches in the home, get rid of food in fridge, have loud sex, etc.).
I thought about stepping in and talking to the offender in question, but on further thought, regardless of how close I am to these people, that may be overreaching a bit.
It’s a tough situation really, as I can tell the problem is putting an emotional and financial strain on the couples.
Have you dealt with a freeloading family member before? What did you do about it? Suggestions for the couple in question?
65 Comments to “What to Do About a Freeloading Family Member?”
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August 1st, 2008 at 6:17 am
Freeloaders can’t freeload if you don’t let them. I don’t think you should talk to the younger brother, but you might be able to approach the couple. They’re enabling him to abscond responsibility for himself, which is putting a stress on their relationship and damaging his ability to learn to take care of himself. They should sit him down, find out what’s going on (why he’s in and out), get him into a 12-step program (he’s likely an abuser of a substance), teach him how to set a basic budget, talk about how to stick to the budget, and lock the door behind him. It’s not their responsibility to take care of him, it’s not their fault if he flounders and has problems. (I’m basing all of this on the assumption that the younger brother is an adult.)
August 1st, 2008 at 6:30 am
H Lee D: Thanks for the comment. Yeah the person in question is an adult, in his early twenties. I doubt he’s a substance abuser but eh. I will most likely talk to the couple about it if it’s brought up again in the near future…
Obviously, like many other situations like these out there, there are more factors behind the story, but I’d like to read what others have done in similar situation. Thanks again, I appreciate the suggestions.
August 1st, 2008 at 7:16 am
This is the time for tough love. While it may feel bad kicking him out, he’s going to need to learn to take care of himself at some point and they’re only enabling him to be a bum. They need to set a firm date for him to be out of the house for good. Offer to help him sort out his finances, make a budget, hunt for an apartment, etc, but be prepared to toss his stuff on the lawn if he’s not out by that date.
August 1st, 2008 at 7:58 am
I wouldn’t get directly involved only because it’s not your place. I think that the best advice for them to confront the issue head on. Ask the brother what his plan is. If he’s really mooching, rather than in a tough spot, then they should tell him he can’t stay with them anymore because he’s taking advantage of them. If he can’t handle that, well it’s better to have discussed it today rather than in a month or in a year when your cousin is at wits end and flips out.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:23 am
I have the same problem with a Step Daughter. She is twenty one and can’t hold a job. She has student loans and insurance bills that her grandparents are paying and hoping to get paid back. She has no intention of ever leaving and feels she is well within her rights to stay. I am going crazy!
I think that until her Mom (My Wife) puts her foot down and keeps it down I am stuck.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:50 am
Perhaps a step by step plan to help the freeloaders get on their feet by making conditions of their stay, if you can just stop the freeloading completely.
For example, first step a job and some assistance for food. If they don’t like it they can stay and then at least they are on their way to learning skills that will (eventually) lead to self sufficiency.
August 1st, 2008 at 11:39 am
Charge rent. When you want him to leave, raise to the level where he’s happier elsewhere.
I had to pay room & board to my parents beginning with my first job at age 12. In 1930′s, my uncles earned $2/week delivering newspapers and had to give their mother half. My parents continued the same philosophy with us. During college three of us brought roommates home (one stayed for the summer, one for a semester, and one for a couple years). Each of them had to pay something, too. When I moved out 20 years ago, I was paying $60/week.
Everyone should earn their keep. Even if you don’t need the money, you should charge it. You can always gift it back at a later date (house down-payment, bail money, flat-screen tv for his new apartment).
In my experience, offers of help to find a new place, look over their finances, suggestions of how to budget, etc is wasted effort. Most advice to the freeloader falls on deaf ears. If he/she could do the things you advise, they already would. Requiring adults to contribute to their housing expenses treates them like adults, not perpetual children. Enabling them to live free and continue their latte-habits breeds resentment. My mortgage company isn’t going to suggest to me that I cut back on premium cable channels to be able to afford my house. They require me to pay, and will kick me out if I don’t. Likewise, you don’t suggest that freeloader get a second job, cut back on booze, drive a less expensive car, etc. You draw up a lease, charge a reasonable amount of money, specify non-monetary contribution to smooth running of the household, and aggree to duration. If you can’t have this conversation with another adult, you are not ready to cohabitate with them, regardless of romantic entanglement. I’d be suggesting to my cousin that the wedding be postponed. A married couple should be of the same mind on this.
August 1st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I’m with Catherine on this. Someone of that age needs to learn to pay his own way — both monetarily and by contributing to the household. I would insist that he pay rent EVERY month, even the months that he’s not in residence. He needs to make a commitment somewhere, and if it were my house I’d insist on it. You’re here or you’re not.
And Catherine is right about non-monetary compensation too. I’d make him responsible for providing a certain number of meals per week for the family (shopping, cooking, serving, sharing around the table, and cleaning up) as well as basic chores such as vacuuming and bathroom cleaning. That young man is there often enough to count as a roommate, not as a guest, and should begin behaving like one.
Whew! Now, if I could only run MY life that efficiently…
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:42 am
Mention to your cousin that she and her husband-to-be should discuss this openly and be on teh same page. Charging the freeloader rent, and requiring them to do some work around the house should help move them along. Pick a leave-by date and stick with it.
August 3rd, 2008 at 4:41 am
I had a 24-year old step son from my wife’s first marriage staying with us for almost 2 years. We finally got him to leave, here’s how…
He graduated from college in CA and afterwards came back to live with us. He said he wanted to get a Masters. Fair enough. Anyway, he sits GREs repeatedly, eventually getting a decent score but does little to study or prepare for college, makes a few applications etc. And plays a *lot* of video games and is on the computer IM’ing friend constantly, but never meeting them in person. And no job. He is very lazy. And lacking confidence. So 12 months later, the time comes to go to his selected college and, whoops, he suddenly realizes its gonna cost hima small fortune to go to his selected private college. So he defers, and goes through the applications process again to state universities. By Christmas (i.e., after staying with us for approx. 18 months) he is still mooching around — we’re still paying for his car insurance and cell phone. I’m fed up at this point. And his Mom is very disappointed in him too. Big argument on day before Christmas.
So, I give him 30 days to find a job or leave the house. I make it plain that I’m deadly serious. [I try tough love for a change] All his belonging will be placed onto the doorstep on that date and he will be on his own. Of course I realize that pushing him out is a doube whammy–no job AND nowhere to live. I make a countdown calendar to the deadline date, cross off each day, and remind him each day. Yeah, its unpleasant. But, guess what, he quickly found himself a sales job (Macy’s) but what the heck at least he’s getting off his lazy butt every day. He was allowed to stay with us but, he had to work every day.
After 6 months at that job he got fed up and then found a summer camp job away from us. So now he’s out.
In summary, nice kid. No drugs or alcohol. But no “life” except virtual via laptop, and no girlfriends. And very lazy. But I think we got him re-started.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
This may sound extreme, but tell your cousin to keep tabs on her credit reports. I have a sister who free-loaded off our other (younger) sis. Long story short, when she was finally told to leave she did — went to California and opened a phone account under the other sister’s social security number which she STOLE (because her own credit was already ruined), rang up hundreds of dollars in long distance, then skipped on the bill. The phone company came after my younger sister and she had to file a police report to get it off her credit report. It could have been worse, but the free-loader had easy access to paperwork and files in the house with lots of personal information on them. Better safe than sorry!
August 7th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
The couple should not be living together in the first. That is supposed to wait until after they get married. If they would have done it the right way they would not be in this situation. They already off to a bad start and with this added problem in their relationship before they get married, it looks bleak for their future.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am
i agree with kimberly. your close cousin’s fiance’s younger brother [mouthful... :)] needs to be on the receiving end of some tough love. rules and deadlines need to be set.
in a way, he’s a bit like a an unruly kid, pushing the boundaries of what’s accepted since he can see that he’s being allowed to get away with it.
so maybe a deadline for leaving, perhaps some help with a plan to make it viable for him to leave, but which isn’t a necessary condition for his departure.
and ditch any creature comforts he may be enjoying while there. no tv. limited phone calls. limited access to the fridge. no friends coming over. limited net access. that sort of thing.
make him want to leave as well, but in as humane a manner as possible.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
My husband and I are fond of telling people, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”
We use this with friends who don’t get the subtle hints that the visit is over, as well as for relatives who want to extend visits. It may seem a little harsh but we have five children and a schedule!
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:21 pm
A bill for rent (or even just food) is probably the clearest message. If they enjoy being passive-aggressive, then they might want to have “company” taking up all the extra free space.
I’m not usually into passive-aggressive solutions, but it could be fun to mess with a moocher. :)
September 8th, 2008 at 9:00 am
We just recently had a problem with our roommate’s girlfriend. She just wouldn’t leave, and he wanted her here. We even told him that she could not spend the night anymore, and he started sneaking her in and out. We basically had to offer to let her move in for her share of the rent. It’s only fair. If she’s going to live here anyway, she may as well pull her weight. He was also told that if she didn’t want to move in, she could not be here anymore. We didn’t want to have to get a restraining order, or anything like that, but we were ready to do anything. Our electric bill had gotten up to 600 dollars! Our roommate certainly wasn’t footing the bill, and it wasn’t fair for us to have to support the deadbeat.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I have a quite similar situtation, and I am MARRIED my brother-in law comes quite often to our home and now has a key to walk in & out whenever he feels due to my husbands “openess” of our home. It’s so uncomfortable for me, we argue constantly. Family will take advantange of your kindness and often times cause hardships on a marriage or relationship.
June 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
I have a similar situation with my 20 year old sister. She told me that she could not go to college or find a job because of my mother and convinced me to let her move in with me for only 3 months. She promised she would start school, follow directions, and get a job. Well guess what! She is still working on her resume because she has not been “motivated enough” to complete it. My boyfriend and I got her some help where she can get free food, get and id card for free, get medical assistance, and get a house but she still has not called to make appointments. Then my boyfriend took her to get food and she got instructions to come back to get medical insurance and an id but she “magically forgot” and got angry with me and started to cry when I confronted her. So I made a resume for her, and made her a list to follow and she even got more tears and said she has been trying hard. I told her that been “unmotivated” was not an excuse to not find a job or finish applying for school. I have to go to work regardless of how unmotivated I am. She look really upset at me and told me that she was not happy and that she wants to go back to Bakerfield and made me feel bad about it. I asked her what can I do to help you get a job and get on your feet and she said nothing. So i am fustruated and don’t know what to do! I love my sister but I also love my single life and we have to share a little room together and my roomates are beginning to feel that she is overstaying her welcome. I don’t want to move out to a more expensive apartment just too keep my sister comfortable. I really don’t know what else to do and feel guilty if I would have to kick her out. Isnt family suppose to be there for eachother??
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:00 am
I have a brother 65 years old who lives with my mother for over 20 years. He does not work. My mother enables him completely. He states since he is the eldest in the family he needs to stay with my mother since my father died. He has not contribute financially at all, food, rent, clean clothing.NOTHING… I’m sick of it! and disgusted.
July 28th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I seriously need advice as this is not the first time my husband & I have been taken advantage of. 5 years ago (2 weeks after we moved into a new house & me being 7mos pregnant w/2nd child), my younger sister was kicked out of fiance’s house. She moved in with us. I felt obligated by all family members to let her stay because our house is big enough. After she got a new job, I basically implied with apartment suggestions & letting her know what she can afford on her salary, I was able to ‘force’ her to move out. Here I am 5 years later. Repeat offense on my part. She moved in October 08. Changed career & couldn’t afford to live on her own because the pay where she was pathetic (truly bad). I offered her space because I couldn’t imagine her sleeping on my mom’s couch in the very smoky home. I couldn’t live that way either. This past June, I told her she needed to move out by Sept 1. She was crying & said ‘fine, I’ll move in with mom’. I should have said ok, but didn’t. I told her to make an honest effort to find work to live on her own. She is 35 now. 2 weeks later she was fired (the boss was an a$$ & was offended by her turning down his advances the night before). She refuses to apply for unemployment because she’s absolutely positive he’ll fight it. Her job search effort is horrible. I’ve given her ample suggestions to apply for temp work too. She doesn’t do much around here to help out either. She’s cleaned the bathroom she uses maybe 5 times. I know, pathetic! On my part as well. I can’t charge her rent because she doesn’t have a penny to spend. She mooches off of not only us, but her married sugar daddy & other friends for stuff. I removed her cable box already. Am getting ready to remove her access from our internet as well.
Someone please help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love my sister & don’t want to be the ‘black sheep’ in the family but… I’m miserable.
All comments suggestions, no matter how harsh, are welcome. Please…
July 30th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Dear Kay: This is really all about you, not her. First, learn to say no to your sister. That is a key step here. If you cannot bring yourself to do this, no other advice you receive will ever help you. However if can say no, then your next step should be to draw up a list of duties and a deadline for move-out. Stick to the plan.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:46 am
soo..I am in a similar situation as many of you guys…my fiance’s brother asked if he could move in…first, let me tell you about his brother…40 yrs old…no car…no place to stay…NO JOB!…he jumps from one woman’s house to the next….and if their mother had not passed away a few years ago..he would be doing the same thing to her…anywho…he knew that my fiance and I were moving into a bigger apt…(much nicer)…two bdrm…(we moved from a small one bedroom)..i guess he saw this as his chance to free-load….on our move in date…as we were moving in…he was there every step of the way….we have not yet had a chance to enjoy our new apt by ourselves…initially when my fiance asked me..he said that his brother only needed three months…and that he was trying to get back with his first love (they havent been together since their early twenties)..(he also said that these three months were tentative..based on how he does when he is with us..staying focused..be courteous…etc)..since he has been here..he has been talking to numerous women and giving them our home phone number and they call AFTER midnite!!..leaving our home a mess..he walks around “OUR PLACE” as if he is doing us a favor…like the world owes him something..i am soo miserable:(……..i knew this was going to happen that is why when my fiance first asked me..i didnt not give an answer..i never wanted him to say because I know how he brother is..so…anyways..last wk..i sat down with my fiance and I expressed my feelings and told him that i cannot do this for three months..and the best that we can do for him is give him until the end of august..in the meantime..this will give him time to figure out what he wants to do, whether that is get back with is former girlfriend…find a job/get a place etc…..he is too old to be playing little kid games…thank God…my fiance understood and we are on the same page..now the problem is telling his brother..we dont want to hurt his feelings…can someone help me…how should we gently tell him that we want him gone?!?
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
You guys are not alone, I have a family member living with me for 6 months and I am miserable.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Update from previous post…
Sister must have felt my aggravation & found someone else to mooch off of. The day I was going to give her a deadline, she said she’s moving out. She is going to live in their basement (which she helped clean up & steam clean the carpet!) and they’re going to help her with groceries, nails, hair, etc. Yes, I said nails & hair. I, myself, consider those things privileges, not necessities!
She will have the last bit of her crap out by the weekend. Whew!
Off to get the goodies to ‘cleanse’ that room…
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I have a brother and mother living with me for 4 yrs!
When I tell them they need to leave my mom starts crying and says why are you always kicking us out!
Mind you my brother is 32 but always has something wrong with him ….anxiety, back problems, gout….etc…my husband will probably leave me becuase of this! :(
November 28th, 2009 at 2:08 am
I am in the same situation… I have a sponge of a brother who has lived with me off and on, over the last 15 years. He comes back to me when he’s out of options and $$. So, I moved this past summer, and told him to find his own place, that this was my place, and I did not want him living with me. So, he moved in with girlfriend, who lives at her parents house. (Her parents go away for the summer.) So, all summer, I kept reminding him, you better find a job and find a place by the fall, because your not living with me…So, mid October came around, and he came to visit me. (Which is fine, I like to see him, but for visits!) Well, he stayed a few days, so I asked him, why are you still here?…well, her parents came home. After lecturing him for an hour with “I told you so’s”, I have given him a month, to get a job, a place to live. So, he has to be out by November 30th. I’ve been reminding him all month, but he hasn’t done sh*t. He eats my food, drinks my beer. So….I am going to try to stick to my guns and kick him out on Monday. It’s really difficult, because he’s my little bro, but I’ve had enough. Thankfully, I have not given him the keys..
Wish me luck….
Pete
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:28 am
Gee….and all this time I thought I was the only one dealing with these issues! 9 yrs ago I let my sister, her husband and three children move in with me. It was supposed to be my sister, her husband and their two children, but about two months before they were to move in, she called to say she was pregnant. Oh boy – I get a husband, a wife, a school-age girl, a toddler girl and in a couple of months a new born girl!!! I go from single life to full on family life literally over night!
It was fine in the beginning — her husband had a decent job, she was an at-home mom and did the majority of the cooking and cleaning, they contributed to rent and bills, all was good. Gradually they started paying less and less. Fast forward to 2008. Last year I decided to make the leap from renter to home owner. At the time, they weren’t paying me anything towards rent and bills. They knew moving to a new house would be more expensive and I told them I was making the move with or without them. If it was with them, they needed to pay X amount, etc etc. A couple of weeks before I signed the purchase papers for my new home, my brother in law injured himself and went on disability at work. (I.E. – they now have very little income coming in….) I made my sister (who had been an at home mom for 13 + years) get a job. When he was finally able to return to work, the recession was starting to really hit our area and the company he worked for layed off all their employees. So for the past 1 1/2 years he has been unemployed (an occasional odd job here or there) and my sister works retail earning barely more than minimum wage — that means I get next to nothing for their portion of the mortgage and bills. If they contribute, it is only after me asking repeatedly for several weeks and then maybe they’ll give me $100. It’s not all bad — they do buy a majority of the groceries (most of which they consume), and they help with the cleaning and maintenance. Their three kids aren’t as helpful, but I’m working on that… So – the big kicker — I get home last night and my sister greets me with, “Surprise – we got a dog!” (We have four cats and they all know I will not allow a dog in the house). The she says, “Just kidding, we didn’t get a dog. Surprise – I’m pregnant!” It’s been 13 hours and I’m still waiting for her to say she is just kidding….I don’t think it’s going to happen.
I came in to work this morning with the intent of finding a basic lease agreement on-line that I can print off and have them sign. I hope I have the ability to stick to my guns on this! It has been over 9 years – how much more of my life do they want to suck out of me!?!?!?!?
Just for the record — I am sick of my family and friends saying, “you need to do this… or you need to do that…” Don’t you think I know that? The problem is, how do I do this and how do I do that? Let them move in with you and then you tell me how easy it is!
January 8th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
OK, I thought I was the only one! I did this search so I could get a prize from Publishers Clearing House! OMG! I have had my 60 year old brother since August! He got busted selling pot, had to bail him out, pay for an attorney and move him in with us. He is a lazy, lying freeloader! He says he is job hunting, but hey, he is wearing jeans and a black motorcycle jacket…I feel sure every employer would like to hire him! He has no money, and has run out of people who will take him in. If he does not make a car payment soon the bank will take his car and then I will never get him out of here! I paid his last pmt, but I cannot do it again. I don’t have the heart to put him in the street and I think he knows it. This is having a negative impact on my marriage and my life! If I say anything to him he starts having a hissy fit and tells me I am mean! WTF? I don’t know what to do, this is a horrible situation. I love my brother, but I do not like him for what he is doing. I did not take him to raise and feel he is just taking advantage of us. This was great for a vent, but I dont’t think there is an answer :-( I don’t even care about getting my 6 grand back for the bail and atty, I just want him to not live in my house anymore, telling his lies and acting like I should believe him….
April 21st, 2010 at 4:15 pm
So me and my girlfriend moved out into our first apartment almost a year ago. about a month and a half into living on our own a friend of mine calls and asks if him and his girlfriend can move into our 1 bed 1 bath apartment with us. We didn’t really want to share our new space with them, but the apartment they were living in had about 10 other people living there, more then 50 coming in and out daily, no funiture or food, rent was being paid through selling drugs, and they had just gotten an evitcion notice saying the police was going to kick them all out in under a month. When they moved in we all talked and decided that they would pay rent and be out in a few months. The one that has a car had a job, but they couldn’t pay him anymore so they had to let him go. Since then he has not made an effort to get a new job (other then a few applications to subway). His girlfriend gets 300 a month for GAU and 350 a month for food stamps. So since december they have bought the food, and a few house things but it’s just barely enough to get us by. We are getting very fed up with living with them, but we also want to be friends with them after all this is over. They were both kicked out of their parents house over two years ago and have been couch surfing since. They have nowhere to go so we look like complete jerks to everyone else for throwing them on their asses.
((p.s. We tried kicking them out once and they went to all of our friends and got them all to pitty them and get upset at us for throwing them out.))
July 8th, 2010 at 11:24 am
My nephew has been living off of other people for the last few years, has been in trouble with the law,was (or maybe is still) using drugs and can’t seem to hold down a job. Usually it’s his choice because there is SOMETHING he doesn’t like about who he works with or for…even after his brother essentially GOT him one of the jobs…loss of face for his poor brother – and his younger siblings who believe he has burned all the employment opportunities for them in this small town. He is only 20, but has real issues with authority and is angry a lot. I think he is making a career of ‘freeloading’ on whoever whenever. He has recently been kicked out of his girlfriends house (as she lives with her mother) because he has been in usual ‘bum’ form – I applaud this eviction but wonder if he will EVER realize that the world isn’t against him, and that it is HIM who needs to straighten up and grow up! BTW, he cussed his grandpa a blue streak recently because his grandpa told his girlfriend’s mother to go ahead and kick out the bum for his own good. He’s really blowing it but can’t seem to see how he is at all responsible for his own situation.
July 9th, 2010 at 11:53 am
I provided free everything for a very intelligent young relative age 19 when he came who would not/could not hold down a job and flatly refused to go to further education. In an effort to help I even offered to pay for driving lessons so he could get a licence to help his job prospects. His parents lived and worked abroad to a place which, as an adult he could not get permission to live unless he was in full-time education. He couldn’t even be bothered with that and declined my offer. He used my phone freely and had Broadband installed without my permission I ferried him everywhere in my car, to interviews, pick up from distant places late at night, helped with job applications, etc etc. After nearly 3 years, I decided to give him a month’s notice to get his act together and find a place to live. I reminded him all the time, but to no avail. It was a one-bedroom house so he was a constant fixture on the sofa. At the end of the month I was going on holiday, but I had not told him that. There was only one outer door so I changed the lock myself before I went, booked him into a hotel for two weeks in the next town and left some money so he could buy food. Packed his possessions and left them in his hotel room with a very nice polite letter explaining the error of his ways, and texted him with details of what I had done. I went on holiday for three weeks and when I returned I discovered through the grapevine that he had got himself a job and a place in a hostel. The knowledge that the hotel would call the Police if he stayed on and didn’t pay his bill had concentrated his mind. It cost a lot, but far less than keeping a healthy adult (who couldn’t even be bothered to claim Unemployment Pay and they wouldn’t let me claim for him). Don’t feel mean about expecting an adult to stand on his own feet.
One can only be expected to subsidise the very young, the old and the GENUINELY ill or mentally or physically disabled.
This strategy could be very much worth a try, even with the poor soul who is lumbered with two adult relatives and their three children. Find a hotel that will also take a cat or dog. Good luck.
July 27th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Want to hear about my predicament? Check this out.
I’ve been on disability for several years due to a chemical imbalance in my brain and I have to live with my mother to help her pay her rent because section 8 stopped supporting her rent because she was unable to get the walls repainted and the carpet replaced (it’s a very old apartment).
So now she has to pay full rent and has only been able to do so for the last 4 years because I pay half of it.
On top of all this, one of my brothers, gets evicted from his mobile home and is given only 10 days to vacate so, he rents a U-HAUL truck and packs up as fast as he can and take pretty much all of his stuff to a storage unit and we agree to let him come and stay with us until he can get another place.
That was about 2 years ago…
Since he moved in, he has gradually been making excuses as to why he can’t pay rent even though he has a job, is constantly borrowing money to pay for his storage unit, his car insurance, cigarettes, gas for his car so, that he can go out and blow his money on stuff that he wants, and he always claims that he don’t get payed enough to pay either one of us back yet he has the nerve to insist that I replace any borrowed cigarettes, pay for gas if I want to go anywhere that’s not close by and even if it is a place close by, he insists that his car can’t handle being driven any further because it may over-heat etc, etc.
My mom is the main reason his is able to get away with all of this crap, because she feels sorry for him and also feels in dept to him because he helps her setup her feeding tube every evening, buys a few groceries and sometimes pays for our medication prescriptions since he’s the only one of us who has a car to go and pick up our meds for us.
Furthermore, my dad gave him that car to be used for all three of us but, he hogs it and insists that it’s exclusively his because it’s in his name. He makes up stories about it needing parts and repairs just so he can keep pretending that he can’t drive it anywhere unless absolutely necessary.
On top of all of this, he tries to run the household as though he were the alpha male, even deciding that when he’s ready to go to sleep that we all have to as well or he wont be able to sleep well enough to work the next day.
He has also taken over the living room and patio with miscellaneous junk and hobby items for his own amusement.
The only thing he really helps out on is the cooking but, he doesn’t like to wash his hands and even if he does wash them, he doesn’t wash them thoroughly. He has other gross habits as well that make my home life difficult as I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
I want to move away so bad but, if I leave, I know that that deadbeat wont pay the other half of the rent and then my my mom will be homeless!!
I HATE living this way!
August 15th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
So I am not the only one. My husband’s “baby brother” has lived with us on and off for the past three years. This last time, he had come back after not speaking to us for 9 months for a fight he had with my husband about stealing from us. He showed back on our doorstep homeless again, this time with a pregnant girlfriend. My first instinct was to shut the door but my husband insisted that it IS his little brother and he has good intentions this time around. They were both without jobs and were only to stay for a few weeks while they found work. And all this happened one month before my husband was to serve time for the next two years, and his “baby brother” knew this. Well weeks turned into months and neither one has even tried to get a job or look for a place to live. In fact they sleep into the afternoon on my couch, even when me and my kids try to watch TV. Anyway, last night my home phone starts ringing off the hook until about 2 am. Turns out “baby brother” stole cash from some drug dealer and wants it back! So this morning, I confronted the both of them and told them that even though I gave them a deadline of the end of the month they HAVE to leave now. I have two children and I value keeping my house a safe environment for them. Well, apparently all their bad behavior and disrespect was solely because my husband is gone. They refuse to leave, they even told me to do whatever I want and that the police cant even make them go. Turns out they are right!! I did call the police after a heated argument broke out and all the police did was tell me that I would have to go through an eviction process and there is no telling how long that will take. I am not legally allowed to lock them out OR put their belongings outside. Can you believe this? Not only have I been miserable with these two grown children in my house but NOW I have to pay more to have them leave whenever courts get around to it! I am so very frustrated. I took the TV out of the living room, they cannot use my phone, and I plan to start shutting off the power when I leave the house. They will probably rob me blind of all my possessions when I go to work, but the police don’t care!
August 25th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
My 26 yr old stepdaughter is staying at my house my wife says (her daughter will be here just a little while (now its 4 years later) and since she got a job her female boss has started staying over night for the past 4 weeks. They are good buddies and have taken over my basement and watch Dvd movies on her big screen TV. I said to her Mom (my wife) that they (stepdaughter and friend have to leave. Why she feeds you! I say bringing me 2 tacos once a week is not feeding me. The friend has now had a fight with her boyfriend and wants to stay here too.
2years ago the stepdaughter was bringing women home because she is also a lesbian. I was astonished. How do I stop this madness. No rent
freeloaders and visiting lesbians.
My wife says she will talk to her. Wife tells me I don’t know how to be giving!
I guess I may have to get rid of all of them.
Suggestions appreciated.
September 8th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
We have a similar problem : sister in law has been staying with us for 2 years & supposedly looking for a job. Refuses to follow any of our advice, etc. My husband just started a new plan that I hope will work (fingers crossed!). First, he is now charging her rent, and emailing her a rent bill each week. (she has no $ so this will just be a mounting debt). Second, and here’s the brilliant part: he just notified her that, starting in 10 days, she will be required to leave the house each weekday from 8:30 to 5:30 like the rest of us. Wish us luck.
September 27th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
It’s amazing to read all the posts here with the similar frustrating tones I have been sharing with my family over my freeloading little (28 Y.O.)brother. We have been endouring a wide range of emotions and there are days that it seems my husband and I can’t stop chiming in about one thing or another trying to figure him out. I think one conclusion we have made is clear; he knows what he is doing and he is taking advantage of everyone in close proximity to him. It began many years ago (He was 22)of course when he didnt have a job and lived off our mother who was getting a divorce and living in a trailer park making pennies working the graveyard shift as a CNA. She would lend him money for cigarrettes and gas and lend him her car to “job hunt” she was having a tough time as we all were and didnt see he began to use the situation to his advantage that she needed him for comedic relief. He never lifted a finger and was jobless for a year straight all she asked was for him to mow the lawn which may once every 3 weeks get almost fully cut on 1/8 acre lot then he would have to stop for some ailment or another. He played video games and had friends over it was all about the entertainment of his brain. Life had no tomorrows only right nows. Fast forward and mom moved too far from his comfort town so he stayed with friends one after another who where so upset with him at the end of the stay thier friendships were in jeopardy. I would hear them complain and get upset at them since this was my little bro. I graduated from college and started making money and getting a place of my own when I married my husband we do pretty well but are just starting out and we asked if he would like to stay with us as we were buying a home. The room he kept was a disaster. He didnt lift a finger after a month he began really slacking being rude not thanking me for dinners I would slave over. Hijack certain rooms and began to be selfish about everything. He always thinks his comedic relief would save the day but I just about had it!
I kicked him out in January 2010 and another friend of his heard his sob story about being kicked out by me and took him in rent free where he did the same thing to him. He was just kicked out the 1st of Sept 2010 from there and is currently homeless. He has burned all his bridges. My mom however still feels guilt like it was her fault so she has signed for a car for him 2009 scion gave him her netbook and GPS he parks at the highway McDonald’s and works P/T at Walgreens in his comfort town still. He drives around for this past month looking for free internet so he can keep in touch with Facebook friends and listen to music. I had him stay over 2 nights in the past month I would call him because I felt bad and made him a nice dinner and gave him a roof for the night. He was rude off the bat though and would sit in his car ouside my house and go on our wireless internet and not talk to my husband or I only long enough to eat his meal. I told him we would be going away for a few weekends in a row and if he wanted to house sit he was welcomed as it would be getting cold out. He really wanted to. But just the other day I recieved a text saying he wanted to come by that minute to do some things at the house and I didnt reply since we were out at the fair. We returned home a few hour later to find him in our driveway using the internet with piles of shaving cream all over our driveway and tabacco shavings. He said he was just about to leave so I asked him just to clean up the driveway before he left as I have two dogs that could get sick. He gave me attitude and asked if after work he could stay over again. I told him I would talk to my husband and let him know. We were having company so I forgot to get back to him right away and I looked at my cell phone later that night to see threats of not house or pet sitting for that weekend to just forget about him staying over and he will be away for a while. As if I didnt bend over backwards all my life for him without asking for anything in return and as if in late October early November will be comfortable weather for him to be in his car when he could have stayed here. I was doing him a favor not me. I dont understand him and I am very confused. He is not on drugs just smokes alot of cigarrettes and does alot of nothing. He has pipe dreams all the time unattainable goals. It’s a sad conclusion to come to when you realize the best thing for someone you love it to cut them out until they stand on their own. I was hoping this experience would do that to him. I feel like he has his eye on yet another meal ticket though and I dont think I can tolerate a moocher for a brother.
It’s a tough predicament to be in I completely understand!
January 13th, 2011 at 11:57 pm
Im having the same problem with a nephew and it the worst situation ever because this kid was brought to the house when he mom was almost dying she has HIV and both of them came to my parents household and later on the mother got well and she left her son behind. he came to my parents house when he was 15 yrs old but later on he grew and he so lazy that even his mother left him behind because he lazy and doesnt do favor to others or to her. anyways now she scot free from the problem and he never help my dad in anything now he died and and my mom is struggling with him let me remind you now his mom also is waiting for inheritance money so the mess is worst it doesnt belong to him until she dies and wow he 33 yrs old and unfortunately my mom is elder women he doesnt cut the lawn he doesnt paint the house he doesnt even help with the grocery he weights like 350 pounds and yes and he loves cables just to lay on the furniture and watches sports like he the king of the household while others are running errand but and his father has a big house and has money to take care of him so you thought you have it bad we have it worst i feel at times that the family members can be the worst…. they want to get away with it..what have we done nothing. why my mom i guess feel sorry for his mother who has HIV but she not sick enough to be with men.so i understand your situation some family members can be a drag the only way to do it is to leave the person stranded i guess i already told my mom to leave the house and see what he does completely without electricity and water because he will wake up and leave to his father house…. my mother is finally realizing that he not worth it … so im just praying to God she wakes out of it before it to late… his parents should take care of him if he cant he old man 33 and if he hasnt done nothing yet what will he do later on… it all bull…
June 18th, 2011 at 4:21 pm
i have a similar problem my 25 year old sister has been living with us for two years and not helping pay the rent/bills/food. it just pisses me off and my mom doesnt do anything my sister makes mom watch her autistic kid every day.
June 20th, 2011 at 8:30 am
Hi – sounds like a troubling story. I’m on this post because I’m producing an episode for a new talk show that deals with this topic – out of control freeloaders. Would you care to bring this story to our new TV show? It would be handled with the utmost respect. If so, please feel free to e-mail me at rgoldman@billcunninghamshow.com
If you decide not to contact me, I wish you a speedy and just resolution to this problem.
Best, Rich
June 20th, 2011 at 8:35 am
Hi Everyone – I’m on this post because I’m producing an episode that deals with the topic of nightmare freeloading stories for a new National talk show. We would like to address the problems created by unwanted freeloaders, and hope to offer some fair and effective solutions. If any of you would like to bring your freeloading stories to our new TV show, please feel free to e-mail me at rgoldman@billcunninghamshow.com. You and your story will be handled with the utmost respect.
Best, Rich
July 8th, 2011 at 8:11 pm
I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this – I have an unemployed brother – he has 2 grown sons – one has 2 degrees but no ambition so doesn’t work but lives off whatever girl moves in with him. Anyway – it’s my brothers 28th anniversary so being a good hearted sister and elderly and living alone, I volunteered to have a small family gathering for them – low and behold my sister-in-law has invited everyone she is even remotely related to (that I have not even met in 28 years nor know) to my small home for “free food” – Keeping in mind my pension is under $1000/mo – feeding 20 extra people who I don’t even know was not what I agreed to do – I’m thinking of moving to be away from this freeloader family -
August 17th, 2011 at 2:54 am
I have a 42 year old nephew that has been unemployed for years now, suppose to have a back injury but he can do most anything he wants to do. All he does is sit around and eats and watches TV and sleeps and talks to me like I am a piece of crap. He is over 400 lbs and eats from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed and gets up all hours of the night too. Bitches about how hot it is when its cool enough in the house and wants the A/C to run all the time. I have to pay all the bills and keep the household running. He is just a Freddy the Freeloader and I don’t know what to do about it. I tell him to get the hell out but he won’t.
October 8th, 2011 at 4:04 pm
I am a 51 year old disabled woman on section 8. My 23 year old working son lives with me. And he pays half of the rent(we split it). He is rude and disrespectful to me. I am very sick and want to live alone. He is on my lease and wont move out. He is very dirty too and I am so tired of yelling at him to clean up after himself. I suffer from depression diabetes neuropaty anemia low kidney function. Does anyone know how I can get him off of my lease? Please help me…thank you
October 9th, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I wouldn’t let it happen to begin with. I would say no and that would be it. You have to say no otherwise these fools will stay until you will the house to them.
October 9th, 2011 at 3:03 pm
My wife has a cousin that wanted to stay with us since we have a three bedroom home and I reminded her I have many cousins too, so we made the decision to allow no one to stay with us unless it’s someone that is visiting overnight from out of town, and so far no one comes to visit us because we know no one from out of town.
November 10th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
I have a brother in law that’s a grade A moocher. He thinks he’s entitled to everything because he’s the first born. Everytime he has any sort of life difficulty, everyone has to stop what they are doing and either fix it for him or give him money to do so. I hate it. Whenever we have difficulty, guess what? No help from him ever. If anything he insults us to tell us we deserve it.
After years of talking to the other family members, they are finally doing what needs to be done. Cutting him off to live his own life. He’s 32 and works. Now he’s not getting any more favours or handouts. And what a surprise! He’s doing just fine, despite his maniputaltive attempts to give everyone guilt trips.
All of the problems above (short of those where legally you can’t shove your freeloaders out the door) have the same solution. Shut off the support. Kick them out. Sever ties if need be. Your freeloaders have had enough opportunities. If they’ve squandered them, it’s not your fault. If they can’t or won’t manage their own lives, not your fault. You have your own life to live and you can’t do it until you give them a good hard kick out the door. Grow a spine and do it because it is what needs to be done! AND NEVER EVER GO BACK FROM THE INITIAL THREAT. ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH! BE CONSISTENT!
Best wishes for everyone.
February 19th, 2012 at 12:30 am
my sister should be ashame of her self she abusing her mom by letting her fat pig son be a freeloading get away being a scum he 33 years old and all he does is eat and well and wipe his butt right after the eating to make matter worst now this kid is still in the house while mom is laying in bed sick and still this freaking old scum in stilling living here i just cant stand her anymore for allowing her son to take advantage of her family that not right and she consider her self to be spritual ..
yeah spiritual my ( y ) … she just doesnt want to take care of her useless son who doesnt want to work and let my poor mother take care of him using the whole family it just disgusting she doesnt deserved anything in life she a maggot… freaking people stop procreating trash if your not willing to pick it up it really contaminating the environment wasteless pigs.
February 21st, 2012 at 11:48 am
I have a brother 53 years old and lives in the backyard at my moms house, he refuses to look for normal work constantly is beligerant and complains he is sick all the time, and wants to get sympathy all the time from the rest of the family, he eats our food, or should I say expects to be fed by us, pays no bills moans about aches and pains, super gross looking does not take care of self hygenically smells gross. speaks abruptley does not do anything but wishes he would die, will not seek help, state or other wise. Just wants to exsist what can we do? he wants to be scum, and is waiting for someone to come along and take care of him, my mom just puts up with it and I am tired of dealing with it and feeding him and putting up with his grossness. HELP:
February 23rd, 2012 at 8:08 pm
He needs to be told to get a job. Everybody has to pay rent. When he gets a job he has to move out and get a room or apartment. Someone needs to stand up to him.
February 27th, 2012 at 1:52 pm
This very enlightening as I may be in the exact position you are all in and contemplating whether or not to move my older sister in if she was ever to become homeless. Thank you for shedding light on your experiences and for your brutal honesty, which has helped me arrive to my final decision.
March 19th, 2012 at 6:25 pm
WOW I just happened to do a PCH search and found this forum…. were a bunch of sad individuals… our problems is that we are to concerned with the feelings of others and rather take it all on ourselves even though we know we are being walked all over.. I have an entire family that help me for three months until i got a job and has been free loading ever since..going on 4 years now .. and im exhausted depressed and considering just grabbing my kids and disappearing on them :( they cant do basic things like re-new their food stamps or keep the house clean.. my mother sits on the couch and smokes all day( i had a rule about no smoking in my house…it was ignored)…my older sister cant hold a job because she gets anxiety/panic disorder/wtfever syndrome..but she can drive to miami/fly to virginia/spend the weekend in orlando…my younger sister thinks shes “hood” and fights with me all the time TAKES my cell phone from me yells at my kids..i have had her arressted and my family will let her back in the house and let her stay while im at work..shes even told me to my face that the only reason she stays with me is because she has nowhere else to go so i am her last resort ..she cant hold a job because obviously she has a criminal record and smokes that stupid k2 or cloud nine or whatever that crap is..she smokes it with my youngest brother who lays in his room all day (i got a 6 bedroom house so everyone could be comfortable) plays call of duty screams at the television like he is handicapped is so rude refuses to get a job for one reason or another (hes going to be 22 this year and has never held a real job) yells at my kids yells at me its a basically a fight to get them to do anything around they house he throws GIANT temper tantrums..they really only clean when they want something…the part thats really depressing is that ive never had the chance to just live with my 2 kids..they gang up on me when I complain ..when i tell them how sad i am i get met with teeth sucking,eye rolling, “youre so dramatic”…im just so sad.. i dont hang out with friends, i dont date,i dont have friends over, or even have playdates for my children… because my day is consumed with attempting to balance my budget, working fulltime, couponing, trying to get sometime with just my children and I (most of the time i just bring them in my room and lock the door). And now recently for about the past six months every morning im waking up in tears!!! I have a VERY stressfull job i do loan modifcations for a bank and they way that job works is if your not perfect ..youre fired… my family is not very intelligent and I do think that they are incapable of taking care of themselves especially my mother i dont know if shes depressed or what but she always backs my brother or sis saying that im being too dramatic/complain too much… i dont know what to do..im just sooooooo sooooo sad ALL the time :( im almost 28 and I have 2 great kids and make a good amount of money but im always short because of the FOUR extra people in my house. I feel like im being FORCED to take care of them I wish i could just up and leave but I promised my Dad before he died (at the age of 56) that i would take care of everything..Would it be wrong to just leave them????
April 13th, 2012 at 11:21 am
What is the world is happening to humanity they have become animals people dont let it get to you kick them out soon or else they going to keep there they love to be freeloader that there purpose to keep mooching of others so sad that so much maggots exist. Get a job fking losers..
April 13th, 2012 at 3:35 pm
The most disgusting thing happen today at the house this freaking nephew of mind who is a selfish pig is so trashy he need to get the fk out of the house … well the day before yesterday i cooked a meal and there was plenty of left over well anyways my mom and i ate some from yesterday but mr fat prince didnt eat it and my mom actually cooked him another meal i told her wtf are you doing are you insane my mother is sick she has a broken back and i rage like hell at this shit.. she keep making him be worst because she provide him everything im tired of this i told her you know when you need someone to wipe your ass you call your dead beat nephew and his lame mother because they arent going to do shit for you ..it just show the more a person is a motherfker the more they get by shit.. it disgusting freeloaders are the worst.he an old fk and i just tired of all this nonsense.. just tired because he doesnt do shit and my mother bend backward for this bastard who dead beat father has enough pension a giant house and a car and can provide his old son much but he wants to have a free ride at my mom house i wont allow him to abuse her and im about to call this fking lame sister up and insult her low scum ways of being. fcking trashes..
May 6th, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Wow,how disturbing it is to know how people take advantage of other people’s kindness. I recently had a similar situation where my wife’s uncle’s situation about towing his truck to our house from his place because he could no longer park it where he lives. So my wife tried to be helpful and agreed that he and his girlfriend can stay with us for four days. I had a feeling that this was just another one of his scheme to use his niece for his own benefit just like he used his older sisters in the past. The third day I told my wife that we have to talk to him about him staying longer and come to an agreement. My wife expressed to him that she does not mind helping him, but he needed to be honest and upfront if he is going to stay longer. We have two children and need to provide them a steady schedule and calm environment. Our eldest is 15 and the youngest is 16 months with down syndrome. Her uncle got upset about it and did not want to come into an agreement. We just left it as it was because he wanted to up and leave the same night. Sometimes you just have to stand your ground and do what is best for you especially if the person does not care to see your point of view and feelings. Be nice to the ones who are nice to you only!
May 14th, 2012 at 6:42 pm
hahhaha…..oh Mi God!…hahhaa….I’M NOT ALONE!!!!….I just had to get that off my chest!…..
I really thought I was alone in this miserable situation….Like It’s said: “Misery loves company” which is a 2 way street; Because while these freeloaders demand, we do supply them. We have to take responsibility for our part of the “bargain”.
I’ll tell ya, my situation is very similar to the ones described herein….I was even laughing at some stories told in the forum not because they are funny, but because they are as tragic as mine.
Here I go then…..
My brother, who came out the military, came to live in my father’s apartment with his wife 6 months ago.
Me, My mother(she is 74y/o still works)and my father(71 y/o still works), Live together.
Ok my brother married a person who had already 6(six) children…and 2 previous husbands….they were in Florida while he was in the military….We live in NYC…..We do not know what really happened to them while they were down there because my brother is a pathological liar….all we seem know, is that, there is a possibility some of her children got taken away for neglect AND because they had a small plantation of marijuana at the house….well the rabbit hole goes much deeper than that….but I guess you get the picture….
So my brother asked my mom if he could come live here in NYC with us… at the time he was separated from this individual…30 days before he came, he decided to come with her….MINUS the children WHEW!yay!….
hahah…they have been vacationing, and honey mooning at our apartment ever since(6 months)….they don’t pay rent, don’t pay electricity, smoke weed the whole day,,,all at the expense of two elderly human beings….
My bother has physically imposed AGAINST his own mother, and myself, mind you my mom is 74 years strong…He has no respect for anyone in the house….always saying he is ill that he can’t work…..and that his is a provider, a good father(he has no children of his own…LOL) has the nerve to say he respects women and that he is a very spiritual person…LOL….
I decided to pull the plug on on him completely ever since he attacked me and my mother….oh yeah…he is almost 40 years old…and his vagabond wife 33….not long ago, I took the internet away from him and like the little girl he is, (nothing against little girls if you ARE one), he confronted my mom about it (he is cowardly enough not to come to me)complaining I took the internet from him….well I pay for it….he won’t get a free ride with me any longer….and as I type, these parasitic leeches are smoking weed and laughing out loud while my father is asleep cause he wakes up at 4am to go to work….my mom works from noon to till 1-2am.
Folks there is much more…this is just the tip of the iceberg…really….
My elderly parents let them do as they please….the lease is under my father’s name….I have completely disassociated myself from my brother and his wife….but I can see the day where I might have to get the police involved in the matter….My brother is a coward, he might try to attack me again but this time I will not hesitate to call the cops on him….
So there goes my story I hope folks can have a good laugh cause it’s utterly a ridiculous situation….thank you all….
June 2nd, 2012 at 11:49 am
I’ve been married over 32yrs and everyone of my husband’s family are “free-loaders” It comes from his mother, she has brought them up 2 be free-loaders. Husband is the only one that pulls his own weight and his mother hates it. She has been trying 2 break we up 4 the 32yrs we’ve been married and we are the only one’s in the family married. The mother broke up the one son’s marriage and the son now live home with mommy for over 10 yrs and he’s going 2 be 50yrs old. She said he can’t get an appartment because he has 2 pay support. She has another son that lives with her too, he’s in his mid 30′s, he has 4 kids, all different mothers, never married. The mother wants grandchildren but, there better not be a woman in her son’s lifes. She is suppose 2 b the only woman in there lifes. They all think I should go so they can move in with my husband so, he can take care of them since mommy is in her 80′s now and not much money because she give it all 3 her free-loading kids. And there is a daughter that’s a free-loader also. I HATE that family! I have never met a family that is so rude, selfish, and think everyone owes them something.It’s a wonder we are still married. It’s got 2 the point I don’t care any more and they’re not welcome in my home and they can’t stand that because we bought a new house and 10 acres about 7 yrs ago, husband’s family thought they were moving in. I had 2 say that they were not moving in and they did not like that so, they been trying 2 cause trouble again. My husband & I have done everything 4 our selfs. What we have we worked 4, no one has gave us anything. The thought of his family thinking because we have something nice they should have it really pi—- me off. And it all has 2 do with the mother bringing her kids up that way and along with her thinking everyone owes them something.
June 22nd, 2012 at 4:30 am
I have been taking care of my family sense the age of 11. My mother paste giving birth to my younger sister. My Grandmother took us in and right after her doctor told us she had cancer. So, at the age of 11 I have a 2 pound 9 ounce baby to take care of and a dieting Grandmother she I adored. I took care of my sister and brothers until the age of 19, I was stressed, over worked and realized I never had a life. My Grandmother left us a bit a money to us and as soon as friends and family found out they decided to that she must have left the money in the..ugh no! It was in a bank, but nevertheless, I was rob cleaned me out. I was then 18 and scared to stay in our own home. I then went to a family member house with the kids, and my cousin said he couldn’t let us stay because he didn’t want any trouble. Life, funny my life has been nothing but worry and caregiving. I decided I had to let my father take them and I offered him an amount a month to take them for me, so he could get a nice place. Well, moving right ahead, the cousin that turned me away when our house was broken into is now 65 and homeless and he lives with….for free. I couldn’t live with myself knowing he was cold and I was warm or I had food and he had nothing. So, I sent for him in hopes we could help him get his Social Security. Well, he never worked a day in his life and now everything is on me once again. Funny thing is when I get old I don’t, no I know I will not have the same in return. Sad, but true. Sucks, but I’m alone
July 31st, 2012 at 1:56 pm
try having your older Brother living with you , Has been for a year who has 4 adult kids how feel it is my Brother so i should . My son and Husband both passed away so they think i have room. I have no time to myself and one income .He lived with two of his kids for a short time . He was doing some chores but that has stoped … Im so ready to sell and find a 1 bedroom home but a second room would be nice for company But then He will feel it is for Him to live in . I AM MAD AT THE KIDS FOR PUTTING THIS OFF ON ME.
August 8th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Well i have to be honset,im one and it not cool at all for some one feeding and useing some one elso for suppose or should i say use them because that what it is,too dame lazy to get off our ass and get a job or do nothing with our life but freeload off the next person,we only do it because you let us,be honset and don`t hold back ,it might hurt but it the true and we have to face it.and if you don`t it will only get worst(Me i`m doing some thing about my because i don`t want to be on the street)a wise comment to another
August 8th, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Hi my name is Tina and i do have a problem,i never have my own place,never kept a job,and im alway broke i try to get off my ass to do something with my self but i found my self back at one doing nothing,no matter how i try i just can`t seem to get it together,i dont want to be like this.I ask for help and get nothing,so i know one thing i cant do nothing without money cant get too far broke so im asking every one to pray for me.because i what some thing out of life befor i leave here(Feed back please)
September 12th, 2012 at 11:50 pm
I kicked my cousin out today. He just got out of the military from ks and deciding to say hey Im in mi and I need a place to stay until my va loan goes though. I asked how long he was staying. he said he was staying for a while. I said um no…ill give you two weeks. He only lasted 6 days. He was eating all of my food. He went for my 4 year old sons food when he ran out of my food. He wouldnt take showers until i told him he is smelling up my apt. I was taking him to get the paperwork he needed to find a job and he enrolled in school. I was happy for him until he said it was going to take another week in a half to get his loan. He never called jobs back to see if he can get an interview. All he did all day was sleep, eat all my food, and searched a dating line service and hogged my tv. Me and my son felt uncomfortable after day # 2. I asked him does he ever go outside he asked me for what. I said to venture out. you can go to subway and apply for a job there (right across the street). he wouldnt go. the last straw was when i was like i am not going to let this guy take over my place. He came with no money. He cleaned up the first day and then that stopped. He even stopped washing his dishes. He kept going in my fridge so much and eating whatever he found in my cupboards. We argued beacuse i was watching tv and talking on my phone in my living room. He was sleep in the daytime and asked me to turn down my tv or go in my room. I said um…no this is my house you are just a visitor. Get up and go do something!! its the middle of the day. I went to the bathroom and he cut my tv off. I came back and said did you just touch my tv. He said again it was too loud he needing rest. i said for what?!!!! you dont do anything but eat and sleep. I looked up a shelter for him to go. I printed it out and said this is where you go to next. In the morning you gotta go. SO this morning he asked me to take him up to his school that is 30 miles from me. I said um no….im taking my son to school. This is my priority not you. You find a way to get there. Be gone by the time I get back. When I got back he was still here and put a double lock on my door so I had to knock at my own door. I breathed hard and went my room. He left. I didnt here him go. He left my door open. SO to me this said fu** you. I started to feel bad but me and my son needed our privacy back. I am glad he is gone.
September 13th, 2012 at 6:42 pm
My wife and I allowed my wife’s son and his wife and there 3 kids to live with us because they lost there house. It has been 15 months, now I am ready for them to go. There has been numerous arugments mainly because of the wife who is self obsourbed and just plain poision for the family relationship. I have already told them to leave but they keep saying they would if they could, she uses the kids a leverage against the wife. How do I get them OUT.
October 12th, 2012 at 2:22 am
Hey everyone , been looking online for help with a similar issue my wife and I are having right now ..
About 3months ago my wife and I got a new place ,much bigger than our lastoplace and its very nice ,, we don’t pay rent because we work for this company and we have a free apt with it.
About the time we were moving , a friend of my wife was being evicted fromher home and didn’t wanna move in with her parents even tho they have a huge place with lots of room free .. so my wife being the nice person she is ,agreed to let her move in for a few months till she can find a job and afford her own place …
I was ok with it because I felt bad for her and I assumed that she would at least help out with food around the house ,since we don’t wanna charge her rent .. food is the least right..
3 months in now and she hasn’t found a job and doesn’t look like she’s even trying to .. she just walks around the home or goes out to hang out with her bf … fancy car she has as well..
There’s no food on the refrigerator for about 2 weeks now , just to test out the waters and see what happens ,, but instead she goes out and eats fast food and comes home to eat it.. we have kids here and so does she.
My wife and I are the only ones providing everything … Its causing problems between us because I didn’t agree to this and didn’t think it would have to come down to us sitting down and having to ask to help around here…
She has it really good here, rent free, food,TV,internet,jacuzzi,pool,drinks,everything is free for her here..
I want her to help out at least with $200 a month for food .. she gets unemployment checks every month .. she has $1000 every month and she just won’t care to at least say “thanks for letting me stay here and helping me and my children out ,here’s $200 for you guys to help out” … that would make me happy… but my wife is scared to ask her to help out.. best friend of hers…
What can I do? What should we do? Are we wrong for wanting her to help out with at least food? It will feed her children as well not only us, we can go half on it even …. I think I’m right and not wrong.. but my wife is very soft soft and nice… idk what to do. Home doesn’t feel like home anymore.
We have given her her own room and a room for her kids.
November 10th, 2012 at 6:28 am
Go Grandma my mother finally threw out the freeloader disrespectable hoarding junk in his room no good for nothing nephew he had a whole bunch of friends at the house and stay up longs hours disrespected me and my mother and told his friends that he could do as he pleases and do shit in the house finally my mother had enough out he went and well now his mother and father going crazy his no good for noting father told my sister to see if my mother could take him back my mother said no.. way he out and we dont want him no more enough is enough finally my mother stood on her grounds and im proud of her and anyways what trash is trash and out it must go hurray.. stand on your grounds people dont take care of dead beat people if they dont want to do nothing for their lives its nobody fault and be worry free….
March 6th, 2013 at 6:39 am
I have the same problem. My parents passed away 7 years ago, and unfortunately did not leave a will. They owned a house, that was still being financed. Long story short, I moved in my parents home, assumed the payments, to prevent foreclosure. I have always been considered the “black sheep” of the family, because simply I am not a people pleaser. I’m a single mother full time student with 2 siblings. My brother and sister have never contributed a dime to help with the expenses of the “family home”, therefore I’ve put the home in my name with my siblings consent. However they both still feel they have equal ownership in the home. WTF? From time to time they both ask regularly to move in with no job. I routinely explain to both of them that this is not an option. My extended family thinks I’m being selfish and uncaring. My sister has stolen from me, taken my kindness for weakness, and freeloaded off of me too many times to count. She is currently incarcerated , and I now am required to house her 20 year old daughter. But this is where I draw the line. I’ve already explained to my niece that she must go to school out of town, so that she can learn to become independent . The point of my post is, a freeloader knows no boundaries. They will take your kindness for weakness, and use sadness as a means to coerce you into allowing them to mooch off of your hard earnings. I no longer deal in emotion, I deal with logic. The point is if the moocher is an adult, there is no reason that she should not fend for herself. The excuses, lack of accountability, and tears no longer work for me.I’m so happy I’m no longer a freeloader enabler. My stress levels are way down, and GPA is now way up!