Comments on: What to Do About a Freeloading Family Member?

By: Hoobajoo

Hoobajoo — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 01:18:56 +0000

I have a brother in law that’s a grade A moocher. He thinks he’s entitled to everything because he’s the first born. Everytime he has any sort of life difficulty, everyone has to stop what they are doing and either fix it for him or give him money to do so. I hate it. Whenever we have difficulty, guess what? No help from him ever. If anything he insults us to tell us we deserve it.
After years of talking to the other family members, they are finally doing what needs to be done. Cutting him off to live his own life. He’s 32 and works. Now he’s not getting any more favours or handouts. And what a surprise! He’s doing just fine, despite his maniputaltive attempts to give everyone guilt trips.
All of the problems above (short of those where legally you can’t shove your freeloaders out the door) have the same solution. Shut off the support. Kick them out. Sever ties if need be. Your freeloaders have had enough opportunities. If they’ve squandered them, it’s not your fault. If they can’t or won’t manage their own lives, not your fault. You have your own life to live and you can’t do it until you give them a good hard kick out the door. Grow a spine and do it because it is what needs to be done! AND NEVER EVER GO BACK FROM THE INITIAL THREAT. ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH! BE CONSISTENT!

Best wishes for everyone.

By: JoSe

JoSe — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 22:03:34 +0000

My wife has a cousin that wanted to stay with us since we have a three bedroom home and I reminded her I have many cousins too, so we made the decision to allow no one to stay with us unless it’s someone that is visiting overnight from out of town, and so far no one comes to visit us because we know no one from out of town.

By: JoSe

JoSe — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 21:51:24 +0000

I wouldn’t let it happen to begin with. I would say no and that would be it. You have to say no otherwise these fools will stay until you will the house to them.

By: josephina

josephina — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 23:04:16 +0000

I am a 51 year old disabled woman on section 8. My 23 year old working son lives with me. And he pays half of the rent(we split it). He is rude and disrespectful to me. I am very sick and want to live alone. He is on my lease and wont move out. He is very dirty too and I am so tired of yelling at him to clean up after himself. I suffer from depression diabetes neuropaty anemia low kidney function. Does anyone know how I can get him off of my lease? Please help me…thank you

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 09:54:12 +0000

I have a 42 year old nephew that has been unemployed for years now, suppose to have a back injury but he can do most anything he wants to do. All he does is sit around and eats and watches TV and sleeps and talks to me like I am a piece of crap. He is over 400 lbs and eats from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed and gets up all hours of the night too. Bitches about how hot it is when its cool enough in the house and wants the A/C to run all the time. I have to pay all the bills and keep the household running. He is just a Freddy the Freeloader and I don’t know what to do about it. I tell him to get the hell out but he won’t.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 03:11:51 +0000

I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this – I have an unemployed brother – he has 2 grown sons – one has 2 degrees but no ambition so doesn’t work but lives off whatever girl moves in with him. Anyway – it’s my brothers 28th anniversary so being a good hearted sister and elderly and living alone, I volunteered to have a small family gathering for them – low and behold my sister-in-law has invited everyone she is even remotely related to (that I have not even met in 28 years nor know) to my small home for “free food” – Keeping in mind my pension is under $1000/mo – feeding 20 extra people who I don’t even know was not what I agreed to do – I’m thinking of moving to be away from this freeloader family -

By: Rich

Rich — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:35:13 +0000

Hi Everyone – I’m on this post because I’m producing an episode that deals with the topic of nightmare freeloading stories for a new National talk show. We would like to address the problems created by unwanted freeloaders, and hope to offer some fair and effective solutions. If any of you would like to bring your freeloading stories to our new TV show, please feel free to e-mail me at rgoldman@billcunninghamshow.com. You and your story will be handled with the utmost respect.

Best, Rich

By: Rich

Rich — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:30:56 +0000

Hi – sounds like a troubling story. I’m on this post because I’m producing an episode for a new talk show that deals with this topic – out of control freeloaders. Would you care to bring this story to our new TV show? It would be handled with the utmost respect. If so, please feel free to e-mail me at rgoldman@billcunninghamshow.com

If you decide not to contact me, I wish you a speedy and just resolution to this problem.

Best, Rich

By: andrew

andrew — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 23:21:03 +0000

i have a similar problem my 25 year old sister has been living with us for two years and not helping pay the rent/bills/food. it just pisses me off and my mom doesnt do anything my sister makes mom watch her autistic kid every day.

By: jtsix

jtsix — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:57:23 +0000

Im having the same problem with a nephew and it the worst situation ever because this kid was brought to the house when he mom was almost dying she has HIV and both of them came to my parents household and later on the mother got well and she left her son behind. he came to my parents house when he was 15 yrs old but later on he grew and he so lazy that even his mother left him behind because he lazy and doesnt do favor to others or to her. anyways now she scot free from the problem and he never help my dad in anything now he died and and my mom is struggling with him let me remind you now his mom also is waiting for inheritance money so the mess is worst it doesnt belong to him until she dies and wow he 33 yrs old and unfortunately my mom is elder women he doesnt cut the lawn he doesnt paint the house he doesnt even help with the grocery he weights like 350 pounds and yes and he loves cables just to lay on the furniture and watches sports like he the king of the household while others are running errand but and his father has a big house and has money to take care of him so you thought you have it bad we have it worst i feel at times that the family members can be the worst…. they want to get away with it..what have we done nothing. why my mom i guess feel sorry for his mother who has HIV but she not sick enough to be with men.so i understand your situation some family members can be a drag the only way to do it is to leave the person stranded i guess i already told my mom to leave the house and see what he does completely without electricity and water because he will wake up and leave to his father house…. my mother is finally realizing that he not worth it … so im just praying to God she wakes out of it before it to late… his parents should take care of him if he cant he old man 33 and if he hasnt done nothing yet what will he do later on… it all bull…

By: Beck

Beck — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 00:21:25 +0000

It’s amazing to read all the posts here with the similar frustrating tones I have been sharing with my family over my freeloading little (28 Y.O.)brother. We have been endouring a wide range of emotions and there are days that it seems my husband and I can’t stop chiming in about one thing or another trying to figure him out. I think one conclusion we have made is clear; he knows what he is doing and he is taking advantage of everyone in close proximity to him. It began many years ago (He was 22)of course when he didnt have a job and lived off our mother who was getting a divorce and living in a trailer park making pennies working the graveyard shift as a CNA. She would lend him money for cigarrettes and gas and lend him her car to “job hunt” she was having a tough time as we all were and didnt see he began to use the situation to his advantage that she needed him for comedic relief. He never lifted a finger and was jobless for a year straight all she asked was for him to mow the lawn which may once every 3 weeks get almost fully cut on 1/8 acre lot then he would have to stop for some ailment or another. He played video games and had friends over it was all about the entertainment of his brain. Life had no tomorrows only right nows. Fast forward and mom moved too far from his comfort town so he stayed with friends one after another who where so upset with him at the end of the stay thier friendships were in jeopardy. I would hear them complain and get upset at them since this was my little bro. I graduated from college and started making money and getting a place of my own when I married my husband we do pretty well but are just starting out and we asked if he would like to stay with us as we were buying a home. The room he kept was a disaster. He didnt lift a finger after a month he began really slacking being rude not thanking me for dinners I would slave over. Hijack certain rooms and began to be selfish about everything. He always thinks his comedic relief would save the day but I just about had it!

I kicked him out in January 2010 and another friend of his heard his sob story about being kicked out by me and took him in rent free where he did the same thing to him. He was just kicked out the 1st of Sept 2010 from there and is currently homeless. He has burned all his bridges. My mom however still feels guilt like it was her fault so she has signed for a car for him 2009 scion gave him her netbook and GPS he parks at the highway McDonald’s and works P/T at Walgreens in his comfort town still. He drives around for this past month looking for free internet so he can keep in touch with Facebook friends and listen to music. I had him stay over 2 nights in the past month I would call him because I felt bad and made him a nice dinner and gave him a roof for the night. He was rude off the bat though and would sit in his car ouside my house and go on our wireless internet and not talk to my husband or I only long enough to eat his meal. I told him we would be going away for a few weekends in a row and if he wanted to house sit he was welcomed as it would be getting cold out. He really wanted to. But just the other day I recieved a text saying he wanted to come by that minute to do some things at the house and I didnt reply since we were out at the fair. We returned home a few hour later to find him in our driveway using the internet with piles of shaving cream all over our driveway and tabacco shavings. He said he was just about to leave so I asked him just to clean up the driveway before he left as I have two dogs that could get sick. He gave me attitude and asked if after work he could stay over again. I told him I would talk to my husband and let him know. We were having company so I forgot to get back to him right away and I looked at my cell phone later that night to see threats of not house or pet sitting for that weekend to just forget about him staying over and he will be away for a while. As if I didnt bend over backwards all my life for him without asking for anything in return and as if in late October early November will be comfortable weather for him to be in his car when he could have stayed here. I was doing him a favor not me. I dont understand him and I am very confused. He is not on drugs just smokes alot of cigarrettes and does alot of nothing. He has pipe dreams all the time unattainable goals. It’s a sad conclusion to come to when you realize the best thing for someone you love it to cut them out until they stand on their own. I was hoping this experience would do that to him. I feel like he has his eye on yet another meal ticket though and I dont think I can tolerate a moocher for a brother.

It’s a tough predicament to be in I completely understand!

By: New jersey

New jersey — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:41:39 +0000

We have a similar problem : sister in law has been staying with us for 2 years & supposedly looking for a job. Refuses to follow any of our advice, etc. My husband just started a new plan that I hope will work (fingers crossed!). First, he is now charging her rent, and emailing her a rent bill each week. (she has no $ so this will just be a mounting debt). Second, and here’s the brilliant part: he just notified her that, starting in 10 days, she will be required to leave the house each weekday from 8:30 to 5:30 like the rest of us. Wish us luck.

By: GAR

GAR — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 02:10:56 +0000

My 26 yr old stepdaughter is staying at my house my wife says (her daughter will be here just a little while (now its 4 years later) and since she got a job her female boss has started staying over night for the past 4 weeks. They are good buddies and have taken over my basement and watch Dvd movies on her big screen TV. I said to her Mom (my wife) that they (stepdaughter and friend have to leave. Why she feeds you! I say bringing me 2 tacos once a week is not feeding me. The friend has now had a fight with her boyfriend and wants to stay here too.
2years ago the stepdaughter was bringing women home because she is also a lesbian. I was astonished. How do I stop this madness. No rent
freeloaders and visiting lesbians.
My wife says she will talk to her. Wife tells me I don’t know how to be giving!
I guess I may have to get rid of all of them.
Suggestions appreciated.

By: Erin

Erin — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:05:07 +0000

So I am not the only one. My husband’s “baby brother” has lived with us on and off for the past three years. This last time, he had come back after not speaking to us for 9 months for a fight he had with my husband about stealing from us. He showed back on our doorstep homeless again, this time with a pregnant girlfriend. My first instinct was to shut the door but my husband insisted that it IS his little brother and he has good intentions this time around. They were both without jobs and were only to stay for a few weeks while they found work. And all this happened one month before my husband was to serve time for the next two years, and his “baby brother” knew this. Well weeks turned into months and neither one has even tried to get a job or look for a place to live. In fact they sleep into the afternoon on my couch, even when me and my kids try to watch TV. Anyway, last night my home phone starts ringing off the hook until about 2 am. Turns out “baby brother” stole cash from some drug dealer and wants it back! So this morning, I confronted the both of them and told them that even though I gave them a deadline of the end of the month they HAVE to leave now. I have two children and I value keeping my house a safe environment for them. Well, apparently all their bad behavior and disrespect was solely because my husband is gone. They refuse to leave, they even told me to do whatever I want and that the police cant even make them go. Turns out they are right!! I did call the police after a heated argument broke out and all the police did was tell me that I would have to go through an eviction process and there is no telling how long that will take. I am not legally allowed to lock them out OR put their belongings outside. Can you believe this? Not only have I been miserable with these two grown children in my house but NOW I have to pay more to have them leave whenever courts get around to it! I am so very frustrated. I took the TV out of the living room, they cannot use my phone, and I plan to start shutting off the power when I leave the house. They will probably rob me blind of all my possessions when I go to work, but the police don’t care!

By: Dan

Dan — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:23:05 +0000

Want to hear about my predicament? Check this out.
I’ve been on disability for several years due to a chemical imbalance in my brain and I have to live with my mother to help her pay her rent because section 8 stopped supporting her rent because she was unable to get the walls repainted and the carpet replaced (it’s a very old apartment).
So now she has to pay full rent and has only been able to do so for the last 4 years because I pay half of it.

On top of all this, one of my brothers, gets evicted from his mobile home and is given only 10 days to vacate so, he rents a U-HAUL truck and packs up as fast as he can and take pretty much all of his stuff to a storage unit and we agree to let him come and stay with us until he can get another place.

That was about 2 years ago…

Since he moved in, he has gradually been making excuses as to why he can’t pay rent even though he has a job, is constantly borrowing money to pay for his storage unit, his car insurance, cigarettes, gas for his car so, that he can go out and blow his money on stuff that he wants, and he always claims that he don’t get payed enough to pay either one of us back yet he has the nerve to insist that I replace any borrowed cigarettes, pay for gas if I want to go anywhere that’s not close by and even if it is a place close by, he insists that his car can’t handle being driven any further because it may over-heat etc, etc.

My mom is the main reason his is able to get away with all of this crap, because she feels sorry for him and also feels in dept to him because he helps her setup her feeding tube every evening, buys a few groceries and sometimes pays for our medication prescriptions since he’s the only one of us who has a car to go and pick up our meds for us.

Furthermore, my dad gave him that car to be used for all three of us but, he hogs it and insists that it’s exclusively his because it’s in his name. He makes up stories about it needing parts and repairs just so he can keep pretending that he can’t drive it anywhere unless absolutely necessary.

On top of all of this, he tries to run the household as though he were the alpha male, even deciding that when he’s ready to go to sleep that we all have to as well or he wont be able to sleep well enough to work the next day.

He has also taken over the living room and patio with miscellaneous junk and hobby items for his own amusement.

The only thing he really helps out on is the cooking but, he doesn’t like to wash his hands and even if he does wash them, he doesn’t wash them thoroughly. He has other gross habits as well that make my home life difficult as I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

I want to move away so bad but, if I leave, I know that that deadbeat wont pay the other half of the rent and then my my mom will be homeless!!

I HATE living this way!

By: Longsuffering relative

Longsuffering relative — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 18:53:47 +0000

I provided free everything for a very intelligent young relative age 19 when he came who would not/could not hold down a job and flatly refused to go to further education. In an effort to help I even offered to pay for driving lessons so he could get a licence to help his job prospects. His parents lived and worked abroad to a place which, as an adult he could not get permission to live unless he was in full-time education. He couldn’t even be bothered with that and declined my offer. He used my phone freely and had Broadband installed without my permission I ferried him everywhere in my car, to interviews, pick up from distant places late at night, helped with job applications, etc etc. After nearly 3 years, I decided to give him a month’s notice to get his act together and find a place to live. I reminded him all the time, but to no avail. It was a one-bedroom house so he was a constant fixture on the sofa. At the end of the month I was going on holiday, but I had not told him that. There was only one outer door so I changed the lock myself before I went, booked him into a hotel for two weeks in the next town and left some money so he could buy food. Packed his possessions and left them in his hotel room with a very nice polite letter explaining the error of his ways, and texted him with details of what I had done. I went on holiday for three weeks and when I returned I discovered through the grapevine that he had got himself a job and a place in a hostel. The knowledge that the hotel would call the Police if he stayed on and didn’t pay his bill had concentrated his mind. It cost a lot, but far less than keeping a healthy adult (who couldn’t even be bothered to claim Unemployment Pay and they wouldn’t let me claim for him). Don’t feel mean about expecting an adult to stand on his own feet.
One can only be expected to subsidise the very young, the old and the GENUINELY ill or mentally or physically disabled.

This strategy could be very much worth a try, even with the poor soul who is lumbered with two adult relatives and their three children. Find a hotel that will also take a cat or dog. Good luck.

By: Cary

Cary — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 18:24:43 +0000

My nephew has been living off of other people for the last few years, has been in trouble with the law,was (or maybe is still) using drugs and can’t seem to hold down a job. Usually it’s his choice because there is SOMETHING he doesn’t like about who he works with or for…even after his brother essentially GOT him one of the jobs…loss of face for his poor brother – and his younger siblings who believe he has burned all the employment opportunities for them in this small town. He is only 20, but has real issues with authority and is angry a lot. I think he is making a career of ‘freeloading’ on whoever whenever. He has recently been kicked out of his girlfriends house (as she lives with her mother) because he has been in usual ‘bum’ form – I applaud this eviction but wonder if he will EVER realize that the world isn’t against him, and that it is HIM who needs to straighten up and grow up! BTW, he cussed his grandpa a blue streak recently because his grandpa told his girlfriend’s mother to go ahead and kick out the bum for his own good. He’s really blowing it but can’t seem to see how he is at all responsible for his own situation.

By: Corey

Corey — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 23:15:39 +0000

So me and my girlfriend moved out into our first apartment almost a year ago. about a month and a half into living on our own a friend of mine calls and asks if him and his girlfriend can move into our 1 bed 1 bath apartment with us. We didn’t really want to share our new space with them, but the apartment they were living in had about 10 other people living there, more then 50 coming in and out daily, no funiture or food, rent was being paid through selling drugs, and they had just gotten an evitcion notice saying the police was going to kick them all out in under a month. When they moved in we all talked and decided that they would pay rent and be out in a few months. The one that has a car had a job, but they couldn’t pay him anymore so they had to let him go. Since then he has not made an effort to get a new job (other then a few applications to subway). His girlfriend gets 300 a month for GAU and 350 a month for food stamps. So since december they have bought the food, and a few house things but it’s just barely enough to get us by. We are getting very fed up with living with them, but we also want to be friends with them after all this is over. They were both kicked out of their parents house over two years ago and have been couch surfing since. They have nowhere to go so we look like complete jerks to everyone else for throwing them on their asses.
((p.s. We tried kicking them out once and they went to all of our friends and got them all to pitty them and get upset at us for throwing them out.))

By: Mickie

Mickie — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:36:25 +0000

OK, I thought I was the only one! I did this search so I could get a prize from Publishers Clearing House! OMG! I have had my 60 year old brother since August! He got busted selling pot, had to bail him out, pay for an attorney and move him in with us. He is a lazy, lying freeloader! He says he is job hunting, but hey, he is wearing jeans and a black motorcycle jacket…I feel sure every employer would like to hire him! He has no money, and has run out of people who will take him in. If he does not make a car payment soon the bank will take his car and then I will never get him out of here! I paid his last pmt, but I cannot do it again. I don’t have the heart to put him in the street and I think he knows it. This is having a negative impact on my marriage and my life! If I say anything to him he starts having a hissy fit and tells me I am mean! WTF? I don’t know what to do, this is a horrible situation. I love my brother, but I do not like him for what he is doing. I did not take him to raise and feel he is just taking advantage of us. This was great for a vent, but I dont’t think there is an answer :-( I don’t even care about getting my 6 grand back for the bail and atty, I just want him to not live in my house anymore, telling his lies and acting like I should believe him….

By: D

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:28:07 +0000

Gee….and all this time I thought I was the only one dealing with these issues! 9 yrs ago I let my sister, her husband and three children move in with me. It was supposed to be my sister, her husband and their two children, but about two months before they were to move in, she called to say she was pregnant. Oh boy – I get a husband, a wife, a school-age girl, a toddler girl and in a couple of months a new born girl!!! I go from single life to full on family life literally over night!
It was fine in the beginning — her husband had a decent job, she was an at-home mom and did the majority of the cooking and cleaning, they contributed to rent and bills, all was good. Gradually they started paying less and less. Fast forward to 2008. Last year I decided to make the leap from renter to home owner. At the time, they weren’t paying me anything towards rent and bills. They knew moving to a new house would be more expensive and I told them I was making the move with or without them. If it was with them, they needed to pay X amount, etc etc. A couple of weeks before I signed the purchase papers for my new home, my brother in law injured himself and went on disability at work. (I.E. – they now have very little income coming in….) I made my sister (who had been an at home mom for 13 + years) get a job. When he was finally able to return to work, the recession was starting to really hit our area and the company he worked for layed off all their employees. So for the past 1 1/2 years he has been unemployed (an occasional odd job here or there) and my sister works retail earning barely more than minimum wage — that means I get next to nothing for their portion of the mortgage and bills. If they contribute, it is only after me asking repeatedly for several weeks and then maybe they’ll give me $100. It’s not all bad — they do buy a majority of the groceries (most of which they consume), and they help with the cleaning and maintenance. Their three kids aren’t as helpful, but I’m working on that… So – the big kicker — I get home last night and my sister greets me with, “Surprise – we got a dog!” (We have four cats and they all know I will not allow a dog in the house). The she says, “Just kidding, we didn’t get a dog. Surprise – I’m pregnant!” It’s been 13 hours and I’m still waiting for her to say she is just kidding….I don’t think it’s going to happen.
I came in to work this morning with the intent of finding a basic lease agreement on-line that I can print off and have them sign. I hope I have the ability to stick to my guns on this! It has been over 9 years – how much more of my life do they want to suck out of me!?!?!?!?
Just for the record — I am sick of my family and friends saying, “you need to do this… or you need to do that…” Don’t you think I know that? The problem is, how do I do this and how do I do that? Let them move in with you and then you tell me how easy it is!