Comments on: What’s the Wedding (Money) Gift Etiquette in Your Area?

By: huy

huy — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:47:45 +0000

No gifts usually, just money. usually 150-350$ for guests, 500$+ for rich guests, and 800+ from close blood relatives. Coming from a Chinese/asian perspective.

By: Cap

Cap — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:54:33 +0000

Stacy: Gotta agree with you that a group of mostly adults banding together buy a random gift instead of just getting something off the registry is a bit tacky… oh well, what’s important at the end is the wedding and marriage itself.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:57:26 +0000

We were married in June of last year, and while we’re both in our late 30s, there are things we could have used, so we registered at a large chain. While we certainly didn’t expect a particular dollar amount from anyone, a gesture was appreciated. For example, one of the groomsmen took hundreds of amazing photos for us, and I love to look through them to see what I missed. On the other hand, my husband comes from a very large family (16 aunts and uncles, 40+ first cousins, most adult), most of whom attended the wedding, which banded together to give us a $150 gift. Unfortunately, it’s something we’ll never use, and no gift receipt was included, and, frankly, I feel it was a little tacky for so many to spend, on average, under $5 each. I’d rather they had bought one of the items off our registry in that price range. Whatever.

By: rana

rana — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:46:30 +0000

In a Filipino wedding reception, there is this part where the bride and groom dance on the center. After a couple of minutes, guest will then go to the couple and pin whatever amount on the couple’s dress and get a turn to dance with the groom or the bride. So at the end of the dance, ideally the groom and bride’s wedding dress is covered with money.

By: jj

jj — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:32:40 +0000

re: giving a gift that covers the cost per head. How do you know the cost per head anyway? I never planned a wedding or avoid detailed wedding talk (boring). My husband and I eloped, and I had no idea how much the average cost is. Truthfully I don’t care. I always try to be generous but you should give a gift based on your closeness to the couple and what you can afford.

By: Harj

Harj — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:35:58 +0000

If I don’t know whether the couple would view monetary gifts as impersonal I usually get them a gift certificate to whichever store they’re registered at. Otherwise I give money in an envelope.

By: Mike

Mike — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:17:12 +0000

I am getting married this year, and have owned my house a number of years before meeting my fiancee. That said, I have everything I need: House, furnature, cookware, appliances, etc. I don’t need anymore, and I don’t want anymore.

We are asking our guests to not give us any gifts since we have what we need already. If they feel compelled to give us anything, a small monetary donation to our honeymoon is fine. If they don’t want to give us any money, I’m fine with that and could care less anyways.

I can see how asking for money is ‘tacky’, but I feel that way about gift registries too so they don’t get duplicate gifts. Makes sense in that regard. To carry that logic on, asking for money makes even more sense since you won’t mind if you get 5 $50 bills but would mind getting 5 toasters.

By: rudie

rudie — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:34:14 +0000

I don’t know about giving at least your cost per head being tacky – wouldn’t it be tacky to give LESS than your cost per head?

I try to give what I can, but at least $50-100 is good if you are not getting a gift. For me, I don’t like the idea of the couple going into debt to pay for their wedding – something that I know some people do. :(

By: Tim of The Dollar Dance

Tim of The Dollar Dance — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:05:26 +0000

I’m from Milwaukee and it seems that if you give cash, $100 is a nice round number. You should give a gift regardless of whether or not you attend the wedding. Although, if you don’t attend, you can probably get away with $50 – unless they are a relatively close friend, in which case $100 would be best.

By: Mona

Mona — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:23:13 +0000

I was married in New Jersey and my husband and I were ages 34 and 38 with too much stuff in our combined households. We did register at Bed Bath & Beyond because we were told that some people really still like to give objects. Many of our friends and family gave us money because they knew we could use that the most. They gave what they could, regardless of the price per head at the wedding. It was a welcome unexpected sum of money at the end of it. I’m also about to attend a wedding in Arizona where money seems to be very appropriate…at least for my friend who is also getting married in her thirties and in shock about the cost of the wedding. She’s a very close friend of mine so I was able to just ask her what she preferred.

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 05:04:26 +0000

My best friend married a woman from Taiwan and I found out that, with the Chinese and Taiwanese cultures, it is most appropriate to give money. However, if a person who gives you money later gets married, you are obliged to reciprocate. Because of this practice, it appears to be common for the wedding planners (who handle everything but the food in Taiwan) to be paid after the event, instead of being paid up front.

By: Katrina

Katrina — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 05:16:37 +0000

Just stick to the registry! Usually there are all kinds of gifts on there for every price range. If you are going to spend money you should make sure it is something they will use and want- what better way than to use the registry!

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:42:43 +0000

I agree with jim and Susan (although I’m not from Strong Island :P). I do live near Baltimore though. $100…book it.

By: Barry

Barry — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:29:11 +0000

I got married a year and a half ago near the Memphis area. The usual gift we received was a case of BBQ ribs (ha, ha, made a joke).

The gift of money was a very popular one. We received a lot of cash (enough to pay for the honeymoon).

Giving a gift of money is a lot better than giving a gift that is going to be returned because the couple got more than one. I returned so many wedding gifts (because of getting two of the same thing) that I was told I could’nt return anything without a receipt for 6 months.

Bottom line, the gift of cash (any amount) is alwasy appreciated.

By: SBH

SBH — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:20:15 +0000

Jennifer makes a good point.

A lot of it is more than just regional, it has a lot to do with your heritage. Which I guess is the same but in a broader sense.

It might be a good idea to talk to a relative you know if you’re going to a wedding and you’re unfamiliar with their customs.

Making sure your gift covers the plate cost I think is a reasonable place to start.

By: jim of Blueprint for Financial Prosperity

jim of Blueprint for Financial Prosperity — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:38:41 +0000

I’m with Susan (and I’m also from Long Island!), though since we are younger the $100 per person limit pretty much applies (and most of the weddings we go to in our area now, Baltimore MD, are about that much). I think cash is fine, who is ever going to complain they got money?

By: Jace

Jace — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:34:04 +0000

So what’s your opinion on giving if your invited to a wedding and don’t attend. Me personally, if I get invited and don’t attend I don’t give.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:14:18 +0000

Hmm, on Long Island money is definitely the “preferred” gift. The amount is generally enough to “cover your plate”. That being said, you shouldn’t have to take out a mortgage to go to a wedding, so when we go to the halls that can be $300/head or more, we just give what we can.

Thankfully, people seem to have toned it down a bit – for a while there it seemed like people were adding on everything imaginable to their weddings, like it was a royal event (i.e., renting swans for the day). Lovely, but crazy.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:55:06 +0000

In my culture (Sicilian) it is traditional to give money to a couple at their wedding celebration. Traditionally, the money is given to the bride who walks around to greet guests with a satin bag to hold the money.

Needless to say, I opted to NOT follow that tradition, as it would have seemed a little too much like begging or quid pro quo to most of the more Anglo-American guests we had. Some of the older Italian guests covertly handed me envelopes of money, but that was about it.

It seems to me that the giving of money is less about covering the cost of the wedding celebration and more about giving money to help establish the young couple in their new life together. Isn’t that the reason we traditionally give homeware to married couples?

Anyways, to expect guests to tit-for-tat for the cost of a wedding that they had no hand in planning seems ridiculous to me. Next time, following that advice, I’ll plan a filet mignon dinner with all the trimmings and expect my guests to foot the bill for my version of a dream wedding. Gag.