As I was stuck in traffic on a fine 4th of July Friday, I noticed that the minivan in front of me had a gigantic LCD TV installed for their kids viewing pleasure. Before I knew it, I was tailgating the minivan to catch the ending to another fine episode of Sponge Bob SquarePants.

The problem with buying lots of crap for your kids is that you may be unintentionally giving your children a sense of entitlement. Being a former brat, I know how it is to annoy surrounding adults with the wanting, whining, and complaining.

From my experiences, the quickest way to raise a bratty child is to buy them lots of crap to appease them, and what better way than a gigantic TV in the car, with a full collection of Sponge Bob DVD?

Here’s a list of five things I’ll never buy for my future kids:

1) TV in the family car.

Mmm... Sponge-a-licious

I’m not about to spoil my kids with hours of entertainment as we drive cross-country to visit grandma (because daddy was too ‘frugal’ to waste money on plane tickets). What my kids will get are important stories on life and personal development. “Why, just a decade ago, daddy had to wake up midmorning, walk all the way to his home office, and slave away on blogs and other web projects…”

2) $20,000 playhouse.

Johnny has a nicer house than daddy.

If daddy didn’t get one, you don’t get one too.

[From The Digerati Life].

3) Massively Multilayer Online Role-Playing Games

Jazz it up, World of Warcraft style.

Are you kidding me? Just look at uncle James, who’s been playing World of Warcraft since 2004 and you’ll see why.

4) A brand new car.

Beater? The E80? I think not.

Now, daddy’s not a cheap bastard like mommy’s new boyfriend. See here, a 1985 Toyota Corolla — Japanese engineering at its finest!

5) 6th Generation iPhone

I hate the iPhone. Why? Because.

My kid’s phone will be able to do three things: 1) Call mom. 2) Call dad. 3) Call 911.

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