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Cosmetic Surgery Because You’re Ugly, Lazy & Stupid

Because you'll look sooo much better.

Okay. Maybe I’m being a bit too harsh. It’s not like everyone was born lucky like me, with highly delusional self esteem drop-dead good looks. So I guess it’s understandable that some people will want cosmetic surgery, so they can have a chance to be a wee-bit more aesthetically pleasing—at the risk of looking like a Play-Doh contraption.

Hah. Understandable my butt.

Getting excessively fat? Forget exercise and healthy eating, liposuction to the rescue!

Bony butt at the end of butt jokes? Butt augmentation saves the day!

I have no beef with reconstruction surgery, but I dread the day when cosmetic surgery becomes a social norm. I suppose its getting there. It is getting cheaper.

[Driving on the four-oh-five hating my life, listening to the radio...]

“Are you tired of the way you look and feel?” Says advertisement voice over.

“Well fear not, at the Institution of Superficial A-Holes, we have face lifts starting at $500! Nose jobs at $450, and Tummy Tucks at a competitive price!”

“Just give us a call at 1-800-LOK-GOOD. That’s 1-800, L-O-K, G-O-O-D.”

“Pricesareanapproximation.Notresponsibleformalpracticeresultinginfacialdeformities.”