Stop Buying Crap #18 - Energy Drinks
Posted by Cap in Stop Buying Crap! on November 10, 2006 |Stop Buying Crap #9 | #10 | #11 | #12 | #13 | #14 | #15 | #16 | #17 | #18 | #19
More Caffeine and Mysterious Crap Than You Can Shake a Stick At
With more than 500 new energy drinks launching this year alone, the energy drink industry is reaching a $3.4 billion-a-year status thanks to millions of young douches people across the nation — supposedly 7.6 million of us.
A casual glance of energy drink ingredients will yield the following:
- Caffeine
- Taurine
- Guarana
- Crap
- Caffeine
- Glucuronolactone
- More Unregulated Crap
Not a big deal to 20-something males, the targeted audience for energy drink makers.
Caffeine overdose requiring numerous call to poison control center across the nation? Shrug. Mixing energy drink with alcohol because it’s always a good idea to mix a stimulant with a depressants? Awesome.
Sure, a good night of sleep will always beat out a can of energy drink, but then again, “energy” is probably not what energy drink aficionado are after.
If the two sentences of poor sarcasm above doesn’t stop you from buying these crap, think of the ridiculous price. $2.00 a can? That’s two and a half boxes of Cap N’ Crunch on sale!
What a rip off.
3 Responses to “Stop Buying Crap #18 - Energy Drinks”
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November 10th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
Besides, speaking from a scientific point of view, it’s not caffeine that gives you energy, since we don’t metabolize it. Caffeine is a nervous stimulant. The only energy in energy drinks is chemical energy in the form of sugar, and you can see exactly how much energy you get when you look at how many calories it has: a calorie is a unit of energy.
Hence ALL drinks that have any calories at all — juice, milk, wine, beer — are technically “energy” drinks.
If anyone sells you a “no-calorie energy drink,” it’s a non-sequitur and a lie. Food energy is measured in calories. If it has no calories, it has no energy.
So you’re right — it’s not the energy that the “energy” drink guzzlers are after. It’s the caffeine buzz.
November 11th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
Two bucks a can at least! If you order it at a bar or nightclub, the damage is even worse.
On the other hand, I notice the younger guys in my regular poker game swig the stuff in bulk after midnight or so. I’ve been tempted to buy some and sell it at the game. A small revenue stream is still a revenue stream.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I prefer diet water myself.